Numbing Out vs. Consciously Soothing: Finding Balance in Chaotic Times
Let’s be real: The world feels like a flaming dumpster fire that just won’t stop smoldering right now.
I don’t think I’ve spoken with a single woman lately who isn’t grappling with some level of existential dread. Whether it’s something happening in our own backyards or a headline from thousands of miles away, we’re all feeling a bit… off.
And that doesn’t feel great. (Understatement.)
When the existential angst hits, it’s so. damn. tempting to want to hit the “numb” button on our brains. Just two weekends ago, I found myself deep in a doomscrolling spiral. I lost track of time, mindlessly scrolling through my phone until my wrist went numb. (Not a great look, or a great feeling.) As a sober woman in recovery, I strive to stay present and grounded, but in that moment, I was anything but. It was a harsh reminder of how easily we can slip into habits that do more harm than good. Before I knew it, I was left feeling even more lost, overwhelmed by the news and my own thoughts.
There has to be a better way, right?
I’ve been searching for that middle ground. A few months ago, I began experimenting with something I’m calling “consciously soothing.” Don’t let the catchphrase-sounding title fool you – the idea’s not totally new or even that radical. It’s just finding that sweet spot between feeling your feelings until they’ve rubbed you raw and retreating into a numbing cave.
Why Does Numbing Out Feel Good... Until It Doesn’t?
Let’s not pretend we don’t all know the drill when it comes to numbing. It’s that not-so-great habit of side-stepping the emotions that we’d rather avoid. We’re talking the classics here—think excessive drinking, compulsive shopping sprees, or that “just one more episode” lie we tell ourselves when it’s 2 am and Netflix asks us if we’re going to bed anytime soon.
But it’s also the sneakier little numbing behaviors that disguise themselves as “healthy.” Yup, I’m talking about overworking like it’s your job (even if it is) or excessive caregiving of anybody other than yourself.
They all feel good in the moment, but let me tell you, they can spiral into a cycle of misery quicker than you can say, “anyone want to grab a drink?”
Brené Brown nails it when she says: “You can't numb those hard feelings without numbing the other affects, our emotions. You cannot selectively numb. So when we numb those, we numb joy, we numb gratitude, we numb happiness.”
You think you’re just zoning out with an episode of Real Housewives and a pint of Ben & Jerry’s, but next thing you know, joy and gratitude are on an airplane to anywhere-but-here without you. You’re left feeling more lost than before, searching for purpose like it’s your part-time job.
So, What Is Consciously Soothing?
Here’s the good news: there’s another way that actually makes it easier to cope in the end.
Instead of zoning out or scrolling for hours like a zombie, consciously soothing is all about actually engaging with your feelings. It’s about pausing, and saying to yourself “Hey, I see you. I know you need some love!” Then, choosing activities that dull (but don’t numb) the icky for a little bit while also ultimately helping you reconnect with yourself when you’re ready to come back to reality.
Need an example? I’m all over “neon books” right now. You know what I mean: the light and fluffy reads that Barnes & Noble stacks on a table by the front door, under a sign that said “Summer Picks.” Will I be smarter or more thoughtful after reading one? Doubtful. But are they a non-harmful, gentle distraction from the world around me for a while? Hell. Yes.
When Should I Try Consciously Soothing?
These are troubled times. In a chaotic world that seems to thrive on keeping us constantly on guard, knowing when to soothe yourself is crucial. You might feel overwhelmed, vulnerable, or just tired of being tired. Instead of pushing those feelings down or reaching for the ever-present bottle of whatever, it’s okay to recognize that you need a break.
Self-compassion is the key here. Give yourself permission to go off the hook. Ask yourself, “When was the last time I actually took a moment for me?” If it’s been a while (or even if it hasn’t and you just need it), take the time! Figure out what calms your chaos and brings you a glimmer or three of joy.
How Do I Consciously Soothe?
Set Intentional Time Limits: If you’re going to engage in some truly conscious soothing, set a timer. Maybe it’s 30 minutes for a walk or an hour reading romance novels. Keeping it timebound tethers you and makes sure you’re not just escaping into oblivion.
Pick The Right Activity: We’re going for soothing, not numbing here. So pick an activity that’s healthy at best and non-harmful at the worst. Is a little Netflix going to kill you? Nope, unless you turn into couch rot. Is running great? Yup, but not if you up the mileage so fast that you end up with shin splints! You get the idea. Note that this step requires some radical honesty on your part.
Check In With Yourself: This is the truly conscious part. At the start of the activity, take a moment to do a self-scan and name how you’re feeling (or even just rate it on a scale of 1-10 on the OK-meter). Then, when the timer goes off, check in again. Are you ready to head back into the world, or do you need a little more time?
Is it really that simple?
Yes, it is. However, that doesn’t mean it’s easy to resist the urge to reach for your phone or engage in other unhealthy habits. But if you can take the time to pause, you might just see how you can consciously soothe instead. Embrace your feelings, prioritize your well-being, and know that the simple act of showing up for yourself can make a huge difference.
Want to dig a bit deeper? Check out my other blog posts on resilience, creativity, and courage. Curious about working together on ways you can show up more fully to yourself and to your life? Drop me a line via the contact form or set up a free, no-obligation discovery call to learn more .
Disclaimer: The content of this blog post is intended for educational purposes only and should not be considered a substitute for professional mental health advice, diagnosis, or treatment. As a coach, I am not a licensed therapist, and my insights are based on personal experience and observation. If you are experiencing emotional distress or mental health challenges, I encourage you to seek help from a qualified mental health professional.