What Fills Your Cup?
You’ve heard the saying. “You can’t pour from an empty cup.” And you know it’s true…
But.
There’s a but there, isn’t there?
Almost every woman I’ve talked to lately feels depleted. And I don’t just mean physically (although there’s plenty of that). I’m talking mentally, emotionally, and spiritually too. The past few years have been HARD and it seems like the hits just keep on coming. Whether it’s headline news or things even closer to home, many of us are finding it harder and harder to spring back. Our resiliency reserves aren’t what they once were.
We know we’ve been trying to fill from almost empty cups. We know that self-care is a nonnegotiable. And we know we need to prioritize it.
But even though we know all these things, most of us still kind of suck at it.
Maybe we think self-care is limited to extravagances like shopping, spa trips, and a steady diet of ‘rosé all day’.
Maybe it’s because we believe, on some level at least, that self-care is selfish. We struggle with the idea of putting our own selves first for a little while there are others — children, spouses, parents, etc. — who need us.
Or maybe we don’t even know anymore what it is that fills our cups. We were either never awesome at it or our lives have changed since the last time we were able to take really good care of ourselves.
That can change.
It might help to start by defining what self-care is (and isn’t). As this article from the Cleveland Clinic shares, self-care is simply something we do (or don’t do) with our own well-being in mind. It doesn’t need to be costly or complicated.
It might also help to affirm to ourselves (and re-affirm as needed) that self-care isn’t selfish. Remember what you hear during airplane safety briefings: you have to secure your own oxygen mask before assisting others.
And, it might help to get back in touch with what fills our cups.
When I was suffering from burnout, my mental health provider asked me to make a list. It was a little daunting at first, but writing things down helped me see the little things that I needed to help bring me back to wholeness. Coffees with friends, walks in nature, eating breakfast, not doom-scrolling before bed…
If you’re feeling a little stuck yourself, you can start here. Try these exercises to help you get back in touch with the things that fill you up:
Remember the five Ws: who, what, where, when, why. Begin with “why” and remind yourself why you’re (re)committing to self-care. This will get your pen flowing (and that’s always the hardest part). Then, think about the other Ws. Who are the people in your life that energize or calm you? What activities or habits might help? Where can you go to get a recharge? For when, think about the daily, weekly, and monthly actions you can take to keep your cup filled.
Set a 3-minute timer and list all of the free or almost-free self-care ideas you can think of. Having a handy-dandy list of doable things can be an easy go-to when you find yourself too tired/stressed/burned out to think. (And, if you’re really struggling, you can even Google “self-care” and find some thought starters.)
Make a list of must-haves, can’t-haves, and nice-to-haves. Your must-haves are the things that you need to do with some regular frequency to stay full. It’s OK to keep this list super basic. (Mine includes such mundane things as taking my medicine and washing my face before bed.) Then, think about the can’t-haves — all those things that disrupt your serenity. Think about the ways you can work to eliminate or mitigate these. Finally, make a list of the things you’d do if you were really taking good care of yourself. Pick one or two of those to focus on at a time and start working to incorporate them into your routine.
One final thought: it’s much easier to fill up when you’re not all the way depleted.
Getting into the habit of checking in — whether that’s through journaling, chatting with a friend, or simply spending some mindful moments — can help you see when it’s time to pour a little bit extra in.
This post is the second in the Start With These Questions series, designed to help you show up more fully to yourself and to the world. (You can find the first here.) If it sparked something for you and you’d like to chat about working together, you can always drop me a line via the contact form or set up a free, no-obligation discovery call to learn more.