Core Values: A Small List Of Words With A Big Impact
I was a bit overwhelmed the other day. Life had gotten life-y and I was finding it hard to know exactly where to place my care and attention. There were about a million different directions I could go and it felt I might get buried under a mountain of shoulds. I was finally able to center myself when I got back in touch with my core values — that short list of things that I hold as the standard for how I want to move in the world.
These days, I can rattle them off pretty quickly: courage, authenticity, creativity, generosity, and trustworthiness.
But that wasn’t always the case. I was well into my 30s before I ever gave much thought to core values.
32, to be exact.
I know this because the first time I really thought about my core values was while I was in outpatient treatment for Alcohol Use Disorder. I had entered “rehab” thinking it was going to solely focus on how to not pick up the bottles of wine I kept promising myself I wouldn’t. But it turned out the work was a lot bigger.
The handout the counselor passed around had 50 words like “love,” “respect,” and “honesty” on it. We were supposed to circle 4 or 5 of the ones that felt most important and then journal about how we had/had not been living them in our daily lives. It was a simple exercise that turned out to not be so easy. Selecting my value words wasn’t too difficult. But seeing the disconnect between what I had circled and how my behaviors and actions weren’t lining up was eye-opening, to say the least. And, I was a little embarrassed that it had taken me so long to figure out what I stood for and how I wanted to be.
It turns out I wasn’t terribly behind the curve. Many people don’t spend a lot of time explicitly thinking about their core values until some sort of reckoning. For me, it was the process of getting sober. But it doesn’t have to be such a dramatic life shift. A dear friend of mine really honed in on hers during a sabbatical she took after burnout left her feeling like she was no longer on the right career path.
No matter what brings you to it, articulating your core values can be a powerful exercise.
Why is defining your core values important?
When you have a clearly-defined set of values, it’s easier to prioritize your time and energy. Decision-making gets easier too. And, you have a rubric to see if your behaviors and actions are lining up with your intentions or if you need to course-correct a bit (or a lot.) Think of them like this: your core values can serve as an internal compass or even guardrails that keep you on the path you’d like to be on.
How do you define your core values?
There’s really no right or wrong way to do it. If you’re staring at a blank page and not sure where to even start, try one of these exercises:
Write (or tell) your most important life stories. Consider the times you felt like you were most aligned to your purpose. What was important to you? What wasn’t? Look for common themes across the handful of key moments in your life.
Start from a list. If you Google “core values worksheet,” you’ll find a number of free and pay-walled options that can give you a starting point. Circle the top 4-5 words that stick out at you as most important and write your own definitions for what they mean to you.
Check in with your nonnegotiables. Your values are just under the surface of the things you won’t compromise on. Reflecting on these will help you know what’s most important to you.
Think about who you admire and why. How do they move in the world? What is/was important to them? Chances are, those same things are are also important to you.
Reflect on the legacy you’d like to leave behind. If you could read your own obituary, what would you want it to say? Is the fact that you were kind important? Jot down “kindness” on your list and keep going from there.
What do you do when you’ve defined your core values?
It’s one thing to have a list of pretty, aspirational words. It’s another thing to live by them. Here are three exercises that will help you get in the practice of actually using your core values to shape the life you want:
Pull out your core values when it’s time to make a big decision. It’s easy to go straight to the pros and cons list, but re-centering on your values can help you stay grounded in what’s most important to you. And, values-based decision-making can help you feel more satisfied with the outcome. This handout from UC Davis can help you get started.
Spend a day (or a week) intentionally living your values. When we first get in touch with them, we might notice that there’s a disconnect with what we aspire to think/feel/do and how we’re actually showing up. This exercise asks you to make an intentional effort to focus on one value each day and try to increase how it shows up in your life. For example, I did this a few years ago and focused on creativity. I found myself making more room for creative endeavors but I also found that I was bringing more creativity into how I was problem solving everyday annoyances. Don’t forget to journal a bit on how it’s going and what you experience!
Mind the gap. Take your list of core values and journal how you’re living them in your actions and behaviors and where you’re falling short. This isn’t meant to be an exercise in beating yourself up but it can be a good chance to course-correct if needed. Spend some time thinking about what little (or big) shifts you can make so that you’re more fully living into your values and closing the gap between your intentions and reality.
This post is the first in the Start With These Questions series, designed to help you show up more fully to yourself and to the world. If it sparked something for you and you’d like to chat about working together, you can always drop me a line via the contact form or set up a free, no-obligation discovery call to learn more.